How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
