Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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