i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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