last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
