what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
