It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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