Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
