Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
