dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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