Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
two words...techno handjob
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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