You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
