I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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