Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
