i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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