can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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