I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
