At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
