i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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