I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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