Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
