go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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