Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
