I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
