not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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