Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So squirting runs in the family.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
