chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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