LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
