why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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