I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
