We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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