Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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