Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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