Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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