I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
