I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
