As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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