She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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