her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
