Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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