Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
how drunk are you?
Several
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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