Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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