And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
