in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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