Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
