I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
