Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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