I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
soo... how was my night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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