I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
