saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
