I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
