Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
